My Fave Five Meme

I got this meme from Paul over at Melodramatic Diary of a Cynic. It is a list of celebrities that I would sleep with in spite of the fact that I am married. [I hope Sean didn't hear that. I'm sure he has a list too.]

Without further ado, here they are:

1) Sean Bean - OMG! I would faint in his presence. I've got it so bad for him. What an actor! It is all about his face, voice and accent. As I have said many times before, I would watch this man shovel dog shit. He needs to quit smoking before it ages his skin anymore though. Just hit the label at the end of this post to hear me sing my praises for his work.



2) Chris Meloni - Cuff me Detective Stabler, I've been a bad girl! At least I want to be, with you! Sigh! Look at that body! I could die! Need I say more?!?!?



3) Jason Statham - Hot, hot, hot! He's got all the right moves. I'd let him Transport me anywhere!

4) Clive Owen - It is all about the face and size with this one. I loved him in King Arthur with Keira Knightley; they were so hot together. I picture him being hung like a horse.


5) Daniel Craig - Bond, James Bond. But, so much more. Crystal clear blue eyes and great acting as well. No fear as to what parts to accept. I find that exciting. He could keep his shoes under my bed.


So, there you have it. Who are your fave five?

TV Review: Crusoe

Philip Winchester as Robinson Crusoe

Avast maties! On last Friday night, I watched the two hour premiere of Crusoe based on the classic novel Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. What can I say? If you want to get lost in an island paradise loaded with pirates, gold, often shirtless hotties, beaches, blue water, tree-houses loaded with gadgets, and the occasional shots of fetching seventeenth century babes as well as Sean Bean (YUM and brilliant acting, as in I would watch the man shovel dog shit) as his father James then this show is for you. I got swept away by the eye candy even though most of it is pretty insipid.

This is definitely the handsomest Robin Crusoe yet, played by Philip Winchester (hubba, hubba) and his costar, Friday, played by Tongayi Chirisa, is easy on the eyes as well. Sam Neill also stars as the evil Jeremiah Blackthorn. Robin pines for his wife, Susannah (the willowy and doe-eyed Anna Walton) whom he left behind with his two adorable children under the dubious care of Jeremiah. This was not in the book but is a fine addition here else 28 years of battling pirates and cannibals would get pretty dull. Note: easy way to tell who the bad guys are; they all have yellow teeth.

The show airs on NBC at 9:00 PM on the East Coast.

Lorna Doone (1993 & 2000)

2000

1993

I have watched two versions of Lorna Doone, both based on the novel by R.D. Blackmore. The one that was produced in 2000 featured Richard Coyle in the role of John Ridd, Amelia Warner in the role of Lorna Doone, and Aidan Gillen in the role of Carver Doone. The 1993 production featured Clive Owen ad John Ridd, Poly Walker as Lorna and Sean Bean as Carver.

Synopsis:

The 2000 production has a more intricate plot. The Doone Clan was born to aristocracy, but their lands were stolen long ago. Now they survive by raiding nearby farms and pay off the local Baron who is in charge of upholding the law for the Crown. John Ridd’s dad was murdered by Carver Doone in front of him when he was just a boy. In the 1993 production, Lorna was there. In the the story proceeds 12 years hence. John is fishing with his hands, slips and is taken down stream by the current where he nearly drowns. When he awakens he sees Lorna and realizes he is in Doone valley. He falls for her instantly, and she for him. She shows him a secret way out of the valley and just in time, because there is Carver, her betrothed, coming to bring her home. Now the two suitors are pitted against each other and Carver would sooner see her dead than in the arms of another. 2000 version, John Ridd meets Lorna while he is fishing as a boy and ends up in Doone valley. Then he goes there as an adult and she is fishing the same way as he was.

Aiden Gillen as Carver Doone

Sean Bean as Carver Doone the day he murdered Ridd's Dad...

and 12 years later.

Review:

The acting was far stronger in the 1993 version than in the later 2000 version. While I was watching the 2000 version, I was wishing that Carver would be more menacing and blood thirsty and I got that with Sean Bean who even gave the role a taste of pedophilia for good measure. What is not to like about Clive own as the vengeful love struck farmer John Ridd? Alternatively, I thought that Richard Coyle was wooden as John Ridd. Though in the 2000 version I did like seeing Michael Kitchen as Judge Jeffreys and Honeysuckle Weeks as Annie Ridd as I had loved them both in Foyle’s War (see the clip). The 2000 version lent a “fairly tale prettiness” to the story that seemed false to me. However, the 2000 plot was longer than the 1993 plot, as was the film and probably truer to the novel. So, now I have to go and read the goddamn book. Sheesh! Of course I have five books to read before it, so don’t hold your breath. One thing the 1993 version was lacking was sex. The 2000 version had some kissing, but the 1993 version only had one kiss at the end. Very frustrating.

Plus, the 2000 film is more available as it is on Netflix and on YouTube here. I had to buy the 1993 film on VHS from Amazon.

My rating for the 2000 version is

*** of five stars.

My rating for the 1993 version is

**** of five stars.

Movie Review: Outlaw (2007)

Synopsis

The film is about Danny Bryant, who leads a group of people who are victims of crimes that have not received justice and so form a vigilante gang.

Danny Bryant (Sean Bean), a long time veteran, arrives back home from a tour of military duty in the Middle East to find his wife with another man. He checks into a cheap hotel. Another man, Gene Dekker (Danny Dyer), was beaten after a car accident, leaving him traumatized. University student Sandy Mardell (Rupert Friend) was beaten because he was thought to be gay. His attackers were released from jail before he was released from the hospital with injuries that scarred him for life. Barrister Cedric Munroe (Lennie James) is trying a case against a drug kingpin, when his pregnant wife’s life is threatened. She is eventually attacked and she and the baby die. Hotel security guard Simon Hillier (Sean Harris) and the Barrister’s driver, police contact Walter Lewis (Bob Hoskins) round out the gang. All of them are convinced that the police are incapable of executing justice and need help.

“There will be no excuses. The guilty will be punished. No one is above OUTLAW”

Review

I love revenge movies and I was pretty excited because this one had Sean Bean in it. And I know how intense, mean and evil he can be, I saw for myself in Essex Boys. But it was as if he was asleep during parts of this one. There were times where I saw the old flash of him, but then at other times, where was it? Though, I was really impressed with the performance of Danny Dyer. He makes the journey from being a total pussy to cold hearted killer over the course of the movie and it was enjoyable to watch the transformation. What a disappointing waste of good actors this film was. There were parts in the plot when I found myself screaming "It's a set up, get out of there!" Because no one in their right mind would continue under the circumstances. All in all, it was not a very fulfilling revenge movie either. I can only give it

*** of five stars.

Thankfully, you can see it without renting it for free on YouTube here.

TV Review: Extremely Dangerous (1999)

Synopsis:

A highly trained undercover agent with Britain’s secret services, Neil Byrne’s (Sean Bean), wife and daughter were heinously murdered and he was charged and convicted with the murder. While serving his double life sentences, he was being transferred to another prison when he escaped by jumping out a bathroom window of the moving train. He is now a target with nothing to lose. He goes undercover to find out who killed his family, was it the mob that he was undercover to expose, his own agency, or the police? Could it even have been him?

Review:

The film ran for 3 hours and 20 minutes so not only was it Extremely Dangerous, but extremely long. Ponderously so and could have used a spot of editing. There was an opportunity for a tight narrative that was squandered here. The plot was great, and far more complex than The Fugitive, where the killer was the ever elusive one armed man. But this film was made for television and so had to fit into 4 episodes of 50 minutes apiece.

The acting was brilliant; kudos to the whole cast. I especially liked the taxi dispatcher Ali Khan (Nitin Ganatra) which was played with much pluck and humor. Sean Bean did a great job as a man struggling with the loss of his entire family and wrongly convicted of it. He gets to play the secret agent who can kill with a glance and does a super job of that too.

Because of the length of the film I can only give it

**** of five stars.

Movie Review: Stormy Monday (1988)

Synopsis:

The Key Note is a jazz club owned by Finney (Sting) where Brendan (Sean Bean) gains employment as a cleaner and gofer. Ownership of the club is sought after via strong arm tactics by American businessman Cosmo (Tommy Lee Jones) to complete a rebuilding project in the area. However, Brendan has overheard the henchmen’s conversation and helps Finney get the drop on them. Meanwhile, local waitress Kate (Melanie Griffith) has a contract with Cosmo to help procure deals as well, shall we say using her feminine charms. She meets Brendan and they fall in love.

Review:

This was Mike Figgis’ directorial debut. The music is absolutely fantastic. The plot is concise and the action tight and suspenseful. Sting, Tommy Lee Jones and Sean Bean did great jobs with their acting and were entirely believable. But Melanie Griffith was a bit weak. When there is such a small cast like this with such strong actors, they all have to be up to par.

On the bright side, you do get to see a lot of Sean Bean naked. Here are some photos:

I enjoyed seeing Sean in the good guy role and having consensual sex (my, my I thought I would never see the day!) in a movie. But all in all, I felt the role was not that challenging for him. But then again, he was only in his late twenties when this movie was made. He was so adorable back then. Wasn’t he?

I posted a clip at the end that shows the end of the film, but has some of the action scenes and nude scenes from the film and a wonderful recording of “The Thrill is Gone”. All in all I give the movie

**** of five stars.

TV Review: Clarissa (1991)

Synopsis:

Spoiler Alert

The television production of Clarissa was loosely based on the novel by Samuel Richardson which was published in 1748. The Harlowe family has worked their way up into wealth and now wishes to rise to the aristocracy. After the death of her loving Grandfather, Clarissa (Saskia Wickham) is to be married to the odious Mr. Soames (Julian Firth) to accomplish this. She refuses and to prevent being forced, runs away with the handsome Robert Lovelace (Sean Bean). Her family disowns her and curses her in life and in the afterlife. Unbeknownst to her, he is a rake of the worst kind. His entire plan is to bed her, stealing her virtue. This plan eventually takes her to a brothel where she is drugged and raped by him. Along the way however, he is touched by her purity and is changed so that at the end he repents and actually loves her. But alas, it is too late. She is jailed for not having any money since her family has disowned her. She becomes disconsolate and ill and refuses to eat anything but bread and water. Lovelace’s best friend, Jack Belford (Sean Pertwee), vows to avenge her death and does in a duel.

Review

This is a gorgeous period and costume drama. The sets are inspiring. Note the long curved banister with the serpent head in one of the early scenes. It is small touches like these that make Clarissa special. Enjoy the beautiful embroidery and jewelling of the jackets worn by Lovelace. It is said that some were quite heavy from it. The women’s dresses are opulent and spectacular, but true to the time. Attention to detail was everything in Clarissa.

I am happy to say that the acting matched the effort put into the costumes and sets in this television drama. None of the actors was weak. Julian Firth was deliciously odious; he could not have been more so! Clarissa’s family was perfectly cruel to her and each in their own unique way. Saskia Wickham was piety herself as Clarissa. Sean Pertwee was wonderful as Lovelace’s best friend. At first supporting his rakishness, and then having doubts. Then coming to champion Clarissa, even when he knew that Lovelace’s fencing skills were far better than his and that duel him would be to sacrifice his own life. What a great job he did!

Sean Bean was deliciously sinister in his role as Lovelace. But it was how he handled the subtle conversion from rake to lover that was impressive. This would challenge any actor, but was handled impressively by Sean and is a must see. I highly recommend this movie.

I give the movie

***** of five stars.

TV Review: The Fiftteen Streets (1989)

Synopsis:

Based on the novel by Catherine Cookson the story is set in 1900 northern England in a small poverty stricken waterfront area called the Fifteen Streets. There the large O’Brien family resides. The eldest son is John (Owen Teale) and the second son is Dominic (Sean Bean) both of whom are dockworkers. Tension is introduced when a family of wealthy spiritual healers moves next door. Also, John finds himself attracted to one of his young sister’s teachers, Mary Llewellyn (Clare Holman), who is the daughter of a wealthy ship builder. Dominic is the bad seed of the family and conflict is produced there as well.

Spoiler Alert

Dominic is a drinker and carouser who chases women. He tries to seduce the daughter, Christine Bracken (Jane Horrocks), of the new family next door, but she will have none of it. He impregnates the local imbecile, Nancy Kelly (Margery Bone), and swears her to secrecy telling her that after she births the babe, he will wed her. Somehow, John catches the blame for her pregnancy and is ostracized, ruining his reputation. Dominic then plays a prank on Christine and the smart O’Brien sister when they are on a boat in the river, eventually causing them both to drown. John seeks to avenge these deaths and goes after Dominic nearly killing him; when Nancy fears that Dominic is dead she blurts out that she kept her promise to stay quiet about his fathering her babe. This further infuriates John, who will stop at nothing to kill Dominic. Will anything stop him from murdering his brother? Will he and Mary end up together even though they are worlds apart as far as class?

Review:

The location and costumes were perfection in this drama. One problem was that a modern crane was shown in one scene. The plot was a juicy one and contained many of the pressing issues of the time including religion, poverty and class. The acting was top notch on all accounts and the action was suspenseful. I cared what happened to the characters. The final scene was quite powerful and a statement and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I really enjoyed this movie. I loved seeing Sean pull out the stops to play a mean, uncaring bastard and I thought that it was well balanced by the good brother played by Owen Teale, who came across as weak at first, but became a man at the very end. I give this movie

***** of five stars.

TV Review: Scarlett (1994)

Synopsis:

Part 1

Scarlett (1994) was a TV miniseries continuation of Gone With the Wind and was based on the novel by Alexandra Ripley. Basically, Scarlett O'Hara (Joanne Whalley-Killmer) watches Mammy (Esther Rolle, great job!) die, visits her Grandfather Pierre Robillard (marvelously played by John Gielgud), flirts to no avail with Rhett Butler (Timothy Dalton) and decides she belongs with her roots in Ireland.

Part 2

Off she goes, and there meets up with Father Colum O'Hara (Colm Meaney) a generally good egg who harbors a secret crush on her while he traffics guns for an Irish secret militant society. He becomes her local mentor, escort and guide. Enter the evil Lord Richard Fenton (Sean Bean). He has seduced a local girl and pays her for her services, rapes her, then discards her when she tells him she is pregnant with his child. Lord Fenton courts the beautiful Southern Belle Scarlett, the likes of which he has certainly never seen before, and impresses her with his gentlemanly British politeness, and dashing manly charms. He gains her trust over time, eventually luring her to his bed.

Father O’Hara confronts Lord Fenton for money to send the girl Fenton impregnated to America to have the baby unless Fenton wants Scarlett to know he is the baby’s father. Fenton murders the priest to resolve these potentially scandalous issues. When Rhett’s new wife (Anne Hampton / Butler played by Annabeth Gish) dies of yellow fever Scarlett, with hopes of seeing Rhett again, tries to break off her liaison with Lord Fenton. This is not received well at all and Lord Fenton finally shows his true colors and rapes her. Unconscious from a blow, Scarlett wakens to find Lord Fenton stabbed to death. She is then charged with his murder.

Will Rhett be able to prove her innocence and save her from the hangman's noose?

Review:

You can tell from watching Scarlett that big bucks were spent on this miniseries as far as locations, sets, costumes and props. The story and plot are alright, but these were tumultuous times and some areas of controversy could have been better explored, such as the problem with freed slaves integrating into society and the Irish militants’ conflict with the British. I must say the juiciest role went to Lord Fenton, who is truly evil.

My main problem with the miniseries was the script and the acting. It was eye rollingly bad. Why does this happen with so many American TV miniseries? I just find myself listening to the lines and thinking ‘no one would ever say that’. Then there are the Southern accents. Okay, I am not a native, but I have lived in the South and I know what a true Southern accent sounds like. I could have done a better job than Annabeth Gish. Actually I felt I could have acted the entire part of Rhett’s second wife better than Ms. Gish. Let that be a testament to how bad she was not how great an actor I am.

I thought that Ms. Whalley-Killmer and Mr. Dalton were alright in their roles, but certainly not as memorable as their GWTW counterparts. They were both trying very hard and came across that way. Colm Meaney did a fine job but he is fine actor.

But for me, the show really began when Sean Bean took the stage. Of course he had the advantage of the most colorful part in the piece, but he played it to the hilt, releasing all the devilishness within himself. There are clips of his performance on YouTube, but they are in Spanish and you don’t get to hear his voice and accent and so much is lost by that. I suggest you rent it if wish to get the full treatment of his performance. He is superb as Lord Fenton the gentleman, but I am not familiar enough with British accents to say whether his upper class accent is good. It sounds good to me though. They do say of him that he is a master of accents. As I have said previously, he is so charismatic that I would watch him shovel dog shit. I hung on every moment of his scenes with Scarlett; both the ones where he was a gentleman and the ones where he was not. I just could not take my eyes off of him.

Thus we come to my final review of the film in its entirety. Part 1 was entirely forgettable and useless. Part 2 was all about Lord Fenton and the rest of the series could have been edited out. The movie ended for me with his murder. You would have to be a die hard fan to see this, but I am. Take that into account in my rating of this film. I give it

*** of five stars.

TV Review: Sharpe with Sean Bean

Lieutenant–Colonel Richard Sharpe (Sean Bean), Regimental Sergeant Major Patrick HarperDaragh O'Malley), Sergeant Daniel Hagman kneeling (John Tams), Sergeant Harris standing far right (Jason Salkey), and two others of the chosen men.

Most Sean Bean fans in the United Kingdom know him as Richard Sharpe from the television series of the same name. The series ran from 1993 to 1997 and was based on the novels by Bernard Cornwell. There was such renewed interest, that a new series was shot in 2006 and another is currently in production. Here is a complete list of episodes:

No. Episode Year

1 Sharpe's Rifles 1993

2 Sharpe's Eagle 1993

3 Sharpe's Company 1994

4 Sharpe's Enemy 1994

5 Sharpe's Honour 1994

6 Sharpe's Gold 1995

7 Sharpe's Battle 1995

8 Sharpe's Sword 1995

9 Sharpe's Regiment 1996

10 Sharpe's Siege 1996

11 Sharpe's Mission 1996

12 Sharpe's Revenge 1997

13 Sharpe's Justice 1997

14 Sharpe's Waterloo 1997

15 Sharpe's Challenge 2006

16 Sharpe's Peril 2008

Basically, Sergeant Richard Sharpe who was an extremely capable rifleman, soldier and leader was deployed in Spain during the Napoleonic war, saves the life of Sir Arthur Wellesley (David Troughton) from three French cavalry men, and is given a field promotion to Lieutenant. Here is the clip:

It was quite rare for a commoner to be commissioned in the field to an officer (or ever for that matter) because usually, officers were gentleman that had the money to purchase their commissions. So, Sharpe had to put up with much resentment, snubbing and even plans against him. This theme runs through the entire series. But Sharpe, always the one to make lemonade from lemons, uses this to his advantage many times.

Oh yes, and he is handsome. He has women falling all over him in almost every episode. Don't forget, this was Britain's answer to Magnum, P.I. So, here are two clips that show a hint of that. The first is from Sharpe's Gold and the second one is from Sharpe's Enemy and stars Elizabeth Hurley.




I loved this series. I rented it from Netflix and was quite upset when I had watched it all. My favorite episodes were Sharpe's Rifles, Sharpe's Eagle, Sharpe's Enemy and Sharpe's Gold. But they are all really good and worth watching. They are also available on YouTube.

I give the series:

***** of five stars.

Movie Review: Sean Bean in Essex Boys (2000)

Sean Bean plays one bad muthafucka in this portrayal of gangs in suburban England that is based on a true life event of a triple homicide in Essex. This film is excruciatingly violent, something that typically I abhor, but I loved every moment, because it was so well done and so not Hollywood. And of course it featured my all time favorite actor, Sean Bean, whom I would watch shoveling dog shit. He really has mastered the bad guy role, plus the Essex accent is so close to his own South Yorkshire it makes him totally believable as Jason Locke. I loved the surprise ending to the film. You can either rent it or watch it on YouTube. I highly recommend it and give it

***** of five stars.

Lady Chatterley's Lover (1993)

So this is what I do when I don't feel well. I watch dirty movies with actors I adore. So I thought I would share.










Sean Bean will be a new actor whose career I will follow for a time. I have been a fan of his forever. Rent this movie to see how it ends.