The Old Lady Goes Into a Bank

This post is dedicated to Large Tony and was inspired by the last HNT. If you have never read the writings of Large Tony, you don't know what you were missing. I'm gonna miss you big guy!

The old lady goes into a band to make a huge deposit. She walks up to a teller and says “I’d like to see the bank manager please.”

The teller says “Ma’am I can handle all bank transactions for you.”

The old lady responds “Yes, I am sure dear, but I would like to make a rather large deposit of $100,000 so please get the manager.”

The teller, somewhat flummoxed replies “Right away Ma’am!”, and goes to fetch her boss. The manager comes out and is surprised to see this little old lady that has so much money. He shows her into his office and begins the paperwork for her deposit.

She eyes him keenly and says “I bet you’re wondering how a little old lady like me comes to have so much money.

He replies “Well, now that you mention it, I was wondering just that very thing.”

“It just so happens that I am very lucky at bets. I shall demonstrate. I’ll bet you $50 that the next car down the street is blue.”

“There are lots of blue cars, so I am not willing to take that bet,” replied the manager.

“Well let’s sweeten the bet. I’ll bet you $50,000 that you won’t have your testicles by this time tomorrow morning,” said the old lady.

The bank manager thought about that. He thought about what he could do with the money. He could take that dream vacation he always wanted. He could make the renovations on his house. He could taste the money. Besides, what were the chances that this little old lady would ever get her shriveled old hands on his nuts? He put his hand under his desk and gave his pants a tug to check that they were still there, and they were, and said “You’re on!” They finished their business and she left the bank.

The manager ran to the bank vault and said to the teller “I am going to lock myself in the vault for the rest of the day, don’t let anyone in.” Then he locked himself in the vault.

So he sat in the dark by himself all day and every now and then he would put his hand in his pants to feel if his balls were still there. And they were. Then the clock struck 5 and it was quitting time and he raced from the vault to his car, belted himself in, locked the doors and drove safely home. Arriving at home, he locked all the windows and doors and sat in bed all night. He didn’t sleep a wink as he was up feeling his nuts to make sure that they were still there. And they were. Now and again, he would think about the fifty grand and what he was going to do with it. “Oh it is going to be mine!” He said to himself. He was beside himself with glee.

The following morning he showered and dressed, noticing that he still had his testicles! He could see them in the mirror and in real life and that money was his! He got in his car and raced off for the bank. Upon his arrival, he told the teller that again he would be locked in the vault and to let no one in but he little old lady. So there he sat in the dark until the time agreed upon, when the little old lady arrived in the vault with a male stranger.

The bank manager said “Here I am and I still have my balls, so I would appreciate it if you would pay me my $50,000.”

The old replied “But I have to see them with my own eyes of course sir. Please drop your pants.”

The bank manager thought about this and it was a lot of money so she was right, seeing was believing. So, he dropped his pants and shorts.

Next she said “Yes I see them, but you know, these days much can be done with cosmetics and artificial appliances. So what I really need to do is hold them to see that they are really your flesh and blood.”

This gave the bank manager pause. Did he really want this dried up old lady handling his boys? What a skeevy thought that was. But, $50,000 was quite a bit of loot and it was just this one time, so he nodded to give her the go ahead. She came forward and cupped her wrinkled fingers around his scrotum and gave it a firm tug. The stranger that came with her passed out cold on the floor.

“What is wrong with him?” asked the bank manager.

“Oh, I bet him a $100,000 that I would have you by the balls at this time today.”

Large Tony - The photo that started it all